My name is Catherine, and I am a recuperating impulsive devoted gambler. Jan 29th, 2007 will be my 10-year mark in recuperation, but will never disremember where I have come from with gambling dependence.
I lost my loved ones, my jobs, my honour, everything except my marriage; It took up my finances, and I almost killed myself. Also, I wasn't aware I had psychological and psychiatric problems until some years later.
I came from the depths of hell, despondency, and hopelessness.
I woke up in the hospital with swathes wrapped all around my wrists and could hear two people discussing knives all over the living room as I lost consciousness again. All I recall was everything going dull in nothingness. Recently, I have become aware of what caused that empty feeling; It was caused by a collapse of my nervous system. A mental/emotional knockout. From that point I went to a compulsion/mental emergency focus.
I was under suicide supervision the first days in the clinic. After a little while, I got help from the psychiatrist there. And of course, since I was also a compulsive gambler, I needed extra treatment. So, I began to work with a dependence counsellor also.
I tried quitting gambling without external help, but it was futile instead I had delved more into it; worse still, I even gambled when in rehab. But it seemed like I could still go on with my life.
Indeed, even following a 20 day remain in an emergency focus and suicide endeavour!
It is called ADDICTION. Addictions are abnormal behaviours which are extremely tough to end. However, the condition isn't hopeless. And it turned out It was not the last time I should fight this sickness.
Not as a result of actively gambling, due to the financial constraints from this malady, I had another self-destruction trial in 2006 as it appeared I had not performed enough work in all areas of recuperation, including my financial stock-list.
First lesson: Have a stable recovery plans. But in 2006 I as well just required to be normal, live life in recuperation without having to take medications for psychological/emotional problems. So, I discontinued using them believing it was only the betting that was causing my mental sickness issues of PTSD, manic depression, mild mania verbosity and bipolar sleeplessness cycles and OCD. So, in two weeks of no meds? I was back to grievous depression and self-destructive. My answer? I took every one of my meds on the double. I had gotten to that dim, dark gap of misery once more.
Back in the healing centre once more, an additional 16-day emergency focus stay and days of suicide watch.
When dismissed this time, I had found out the difficult way that I require to take meds to keep my mental/emotional health and welfare as they refer this being "dually diagnosed or dual diagnosis."
Along with the bitter moments in recovery, when they remind me to have faith, I took some life lessons out of it. If we are not studying them, we won't notice our development. Even when you are not taking part in your choice of dependence, we can yet have issues come up and life troubles in recuperation, so being ready is crucial.
First, the usual behaviours when we struggle with the addiction needs to be cut and give ourselves a chance to really recover ourselves, believe that we can change the habits. It is essential segment of the rehabilitation process is in harmony. During the therapeutic process, endeavour to acquire the necessary knowledge which can cut the addictive tendencies and then end the loss of discipline, negations and alibis.
Second, come to acknowledge that recuperation is a deep rooted prepare. It is as imperative to acknowledge as Step-one, add up to surrender.
Next, is having a setup which halts the regression of the whole remedial process and it is essential for any individual who desires a permanent positive outcome. It is a sure thing that life moments are still being made. Not just the bad and bitter moments, there are also beautiful and sweet ones.
This accounts for the multitudes of questions by several popular sites when checking if you are addicted to gambling. The question number 19: "Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?" YES! For me, notwithstanding when things great happened, I would need to celebrate by going as far as anyone knows to have some "enjoyment" by betting. At that time, my addiction toward gambling was so serious, I tried everything to control myself with, other than Gamblers Anonymous.
I utilized my gatherings and associations there for my support and tuning in to other similarly invested addicts and keep my point of view of how deceptive and crafty this disease is. GA told me that it is crucial for me to be right by other addicts' side during their recovery, because they need us just like when I needed others' supports.
We have to begin a discussion about this still quiet, quiet habit. We need to disassemble the myths that have been growing in our society about this sickness and open the eyes of the sufferer of dual diagnose. It is undeniable that mental issues in recovery is a tough way to face, but I hope my story can be a light in the darkness for some people that almost lose their strength and hope that recovery can actually work. It is still possible for patients to have beautiful, happy live ahead.